NEW YORK—Everyone from advanced statisticians to casual baseball fans looked on in horror yesterday as it was announced that Derek Jeter, the Yankee shortstop who ranked in the bottom half of most defensive statistics, had been awarded a Gold Glove, thus signaling a crash in the once precious Gold Glove market.

“What we saw yesterday was the complete devaluation of the Gold Glove,” said Brentwood Carmichael, a noted economist and person with functioning eyesight. “Simpletons to sabermetricians know Derek Jeter is an awful defensive short stop. By giving him the award and not Elvis Andrus or Alexei Ramirez, the prize has become completely worthless.” Carmichael warned that this crash would have ripple effects throughout baseball, most notably by falsely inflating the value of Derek Jeter.