CHICAGO - The Chicago Bears can't find anyone to coach, cheer for, play with,  sit at the same lunch table as or be facebook friends with Jay Cutler. No one wants to go near the crappy quarterback. Coaches have called him a "coach killer" and have said they'd rather coach a drunk Rex Grossman into the Hall of Fame. A recent visit to Cutler's Facebook page revealed that he only has 2 friends. A level 2 sex offender and Joe Buck. "We hired some escorts to maybe loosen Jay up," said coach Lovie Smith. "When they found out it was Cutler they were going to have to please, they said no way. They were lifelong Bears fans. Their pimp actually gave us money to get rid of him. Then he smacked me with his pimp hand."