College Park, MD--After years of feeling nothing but pity for her completely dependent master, seeing eye dog Mrs. Maggie Doodle experienced an epiphanous moment of envy while spectating Maryland and Miami’s weekend football opener. Sources indicate, the characteristically placid Mrs. Doodle began whining immediately following the introduction of Maryland’s football team, all of whom were sporting newly designed, magic eye inspired uniforms.

“Mrs. Maggie always had an air of superiority about her,” said master and lifelong blind person Brendon Briar, “but she was acting desperate at the Terps game, almost like she was a puppy.” According to Briar, Maggie Doodle climbed into his lap immediately after kickoff and greedily licked his face until he forced her off. “She would not stop nudging my hand with her snout either,” added Briar, “and normally, when I bring her to the park or even near a window, she revels in the distraction. I don't know what got into her.”

Those with knowledge of the service dog have credited the erratic behavior to the hideous color scheme and patterning on Maryland’s uniforms. “Maggie never showed...