HOUSTON - The Houston Astros on Monday signed right-hander and renowned wife beater Brett Myers. With Myers, the Astros say that they can now successfully implement that wife beatin'-themed 7th inning stretch they've been eyeing for quite some time. Myers comes to the Astros from the Philadelphia Philles, for whom he lead the team in ERA, starts, wins and WP (wives punched.) "We're very excited to have Myers in our bullpen and in our home for dinner parties," said Mitch Clap, the Astros' Director of Marketing. "He's very good at what he does. And we can't wait to get the 7th inning stretch themed around him. We'll have stained wife beater tank tops for our t-shirt canon. And for that inning only, we'll crank up the power on the canons and shoot them directly at fans' heads at close range. Then we'll have an all out bitch-slap fest and a cop will be available for each couple in attendance."
