class="rtejustify"> PARAMUS, NJ—Tim Tebow’s first official order of business as a New York Jet was a trip to the local Ikea with new roommate and Knicks guard Jeremy Lin to purchase a bunk bed. Though unsure which model they would get, Tebow and Lin were set on bunk beds and they most definitely had to be “super sick.”

“We’re pro athletes,” said Lin. “So we can’t settle for any average bunk bed.”

“Right,” Tebow agreed. “That’s why I’m thinking we should avoid metal frames and go right for the compressed particle board beds—like the Norddal. They’re more sturdy, plus it’s a nice homage to me and Jeremy’s favorite dude—Jesus, who you may recall was a carpenter by trade.”

Lin and Tebow did eventually decide on a mocha colored Norddal bunk bed, citing its “super sick” qualities and their desire to just end the shopping portion of their trip so they could dig into some delicious Swedish meatballs.