class="rtejustify"> NEW ORLEANS—A team of professional basketball players who were forced to attend college won the NCAA basketball championship last night as they overpowered a weaker, less talented team composed of students from the University of Kansas.

Despite being at the game against their will, NBA players Anthony Davis, Michael Kidd-Gilchrist and Terrence Jones led the University of Kentucky to victory, setting off celebrations across the Bluegrass State.

Inside the locker room, the celebration was more subdued. “Glad that is over with,” said a relieved Davis as he took off his uniform. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for Kentucky and their fans, this seems important to them, but we never really wanted to be here. We just do as we’re told. So now that we got this stupid, initiation, trainee, hazing period over with, we are out of here. I just played for free for five months. I need to go make some money.”