class="rtejustify"> COLLEGE STATION, TX—Fueled by several cases of Lone Star beer and a burning nostalgia for “the good ol’ days,” Texas A&M approached the Southeastern Conference during a weekend barbeque about the possibility of reuniting the Confederacy, a group that the SEC states, Texas, North Carolina and Virginia had formed for a few years when they were all younger.

“Think about it,” slurred Texas A&M while the SEC nodded quietly. “You got most of it already. Let us join, add a school from Virginia and North Carolina and BAM! The band is back together.”

While Texas A&M conceded that the new Confederacy wouldn’t be exactly like the old version, their desire to “whoop some Yankee ass” would remain a core value. “I know we ain’t like we used to be,” admitted A&M, “We’re a little older, a little more maturer, but goddamn would it be fun to get everybody back together and give those Lincoln lovers in the Big 10 and Big East an old fashioned Dixie fried dirt dinner!”

The SEC, though open to the idea, was non-committal, mentioning, “It sounds good, but we're not sure. Things didn’t exactly end so good last time.”