CHARLOTTE - Just before noon on Sunday, two NASCAR fans Buford Defreest and Biff Martin stumbled over to their neighbors house after finishing a quarter barrel of Budweiser and opened the door. There, they found Jimbo Tompkins, normally a huge Kevin Harvick fan, watching the Tour de France bicycle race. Defreest and Martin declared him an unpatriotic homo at the scene. Tompkins says he doesn't know what came over him. My boy Harvick had a good weekend and I guess i was feeling a little cocky. I turned on the race. I thought i might just watch it to see a crash or something. The next thing you know I started rooting for this good looking Frenchy in the short spandex shorts. Did you know that the French are much better at the mountainous switchbacks that dominate the mid to late stages of the tour? I DID NOT KNOW THAT!"
"That's gaytarded," said Dale Earnhardt Jr. fan Biff Martin. "It was the freaking fourth of Jue-ly! I used to stick firecrackers in bullfrogs mouths that were gayer than you, Jimbo." Tompkins' neighbors have removed the gun rack from his pickup and have agreed to fly the neighborhood's confederate flag at half mass "until Tompkins gets his sh*t straight."
