class="rtejustify"> TORONTO—Teetering on the edge of insanity and convinced that covert operatives are engaging in elaborate espionage missions to obtain their signs and relay them to the enemy Blue Jays, numerous Major League Baseball catchers, consumed by paranoia, are now refusing to communicate with their teammates through any means other than concise phone calls placed from randomly selected payphones in the vicinity of the Rogers Centre.

“It’s not safe here,” said a panic stricken Kurt Suzuki during a recent mound visit in the Rogers Centre. “We can’t talk here. Not even signs.” The A’s catcher stopped suddenly to look over his shoulder. “Someone can be watching. Someone is watching, I’m sure of it.”

Suzuki then hastily walked out of the stadium and to a payphone several blocks away to call his team's dugout with his pitch selection, an increasingly common practice amongst catchers highly suspicious of the surveillance operations of the Blue Jays.

“Tell the delivery man that the package needs to be overnighted,” said Suzuki, which is code for a fastball. “But if the man in white answers the door, switch the packages,” again, code for changing the pitch if there are suspicions of the signal being compromised. Suzuki, like other catchers, then rushed to end the conversation. “Can’t talk more. Phone may be tapped.”

With a slam of the phone he then sprinted back to the Rogers Centre, albeit via a different route than the one he came, and slinked back behind home plate hoping no one noticed his absence.