WASHINGTON—President Barrack Obama announced late yesterday evening that U.S armed forces had killed Osama Bin Laden during an operation to find something that Philadelphia sports fans can't boo or maliciously taunt. “We received intelligence that Philadelphia fans couldn’t possibly boo the death of Osama Bin Laden,” explained a jubilant yet reserved Obama. “Acting on that intelligence, a group of elite soldiers attacked and killed the known terrorist leader.”

The execution of Bin Laden caused Philadelphia fans to vociferously cheer and chant “USA! USA!” during the Phillies Sunday night game against the Mets, thus concluding a nearly decade long search for an event, person or inanimate object that wouldn’t be met with a showering of boos from the notoriously uncivilized Philadelphia fans.

“This is a great day for America,” said President Obama. “After seeing people from Philadelphia boo everything from Santa Claus, a pitching robot and even a motionless and injured wide receiver amongst other unspeakable acts of depravity, we have finally discovered that they can in fact act like decent human beings. All we need to do is track and kill the world’s most despicable human being.”