PHOENIX—With pitchers and catchers scheduled to have their first spring workout tomorrow, players and personnel began to arrive at Brewers camp over the weekend and several reports have indicated that the Brewers’ racing sausages are in the best shape of their life. “I know we hear these types of reports each spring,” said Brewers beat reporter Adam Michaels. “But from the brat to the chorizo, these sausages showed up to spring training in peak physical condition.”

This comes as great news to Brewers fans and the organization, both of whom have criticized the sausages for not taking their duties of racing around the warning track seriously enough. “I think we just got lazy,” admitted the bratwurst. “Last season you can tell our casings were a little tight. But now we're focused. People in Milwaukee take their sausages seriously. They idolize us and incorporate us into their daily diet. So it’s on us to be the best sausages we can, because quite frankly, for a lot of people here—we’re the most important thing in their lives.”