Concerns over the Super Bowl’s uncharacteristically dreary temperament were allayed yesterday, after a psychological examination diagnosed the typically cheery bowl with Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD, an affliction affecting millions of Americans.
Having spent the majority of its existence in sunny joyous climates, the Super Bowl was unaware it suffered the disorder until being banished to the gloomy hellscape of Indianapolis. “I wasn’t eating, I couldn’t get out of bed, I bought a Snuggie for Christ's sake,” said the traditionally energetic Bowl. “I just didn’t feel very Super, and I can’t tell you what a relief it is to learn this issue can be remedied.”
According to American Psychological Association, the best cure for a SAD Super Bowl is to host the event in a location that isn’t so damn depressing, stating: “if you’re going to have the Super Bowl, have it someplace people actually want to go. Or at the very least, a city with some quality strippers.
