Winnipeg officially names new team “Hockey Sports Team.”

Winnipeg, MB--In Canada, no locale is more synonymous with excitement than Manitoba, and with the return of hockey to the capital city, the past month has been a veritable riot. “Things haven’t been this rowdy since the series finale of “Friends” back in ‘04,” said Winnipeg native Marty Sheryl. “Every day since the announcement, Tim Horton’s is crammed with these long paths of people, which I’m told are called “lines,” and everyone just wants to chat about the new team.” The nature of those chats has often been speculative, centering around the as of then unnamed franchise, but after this morning, all speculation is over.

In an official statement, Winnipeg ownership announced that the team would not return in the form of the woebegone Jets, but instead come home touting a new name, the Winnipeg Hockey Sports Team. “I know its not the most creative,” chairman Mark Chipman vented, “but naming a team is tough? I mean, all the creative names, the Canadians, the Canucks, the Maple leaves, they’re gone. They’re taken! And we didn’t want to denigrate our city with a controversial name like the Flames or the Oilers. So we decided to go with a wholly Canadian name. Something straight forward. Something honest. The Hockey Sports Team, it rings true doesn’t it?”

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