PHILADELPHIA — In the wake of a shooting after his birthday party last month, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Michael Vick has been prohibited from out-of-state travel. Details have surfaced that the restriction is actually a heavy-gauge chain leash that has been attached to Vick’s dog collar. His travel radius is only as far as he can go before he runs out of slack in the leash. State officials also have announced that if Vick is in any way found guilty or even remotely responsible for the shooting, Vick will be forced to fight in a caged death match against Lawrence Taylor, who is awaiting trial over rape charges with a minor. “Make that dog fight,” said Cornelius Corprew director of Camp Elite Sports’ two-day football camp for kids, who got stood up by Vick thanks to the sentencing. “My football camp is to teach kids honor and integrity. Which is why I hired Vick in the first place. I know this will be a great lesson for kids. Don’t show up to football camp and fight to the death. That’s what living in the real world is all about. Also, I have a bunch of money on LT, which will more than pay me back for what I had to pay for Vick’s appearance, if you know what I’m sayin.’