Theo Epstein awakes to find Kevin Youkilis in his backyard showering with a hose

CHICAGO—Chicago Cubs GM Theo Epstein’s morning routine was interrupted today when he looked out his kitchen window and discovered former Red Sox third baseman Kevin Youkilis showering in the backyard with a garden hose. Upon seeing each other, Youkilis, who was traded to the Chicago White Sox last night, trotted up to the window, knocked on it and greeted his former boss with a nod and a wave.

“Just washing off the road dust, you know?” shouted Youkilis as he searched a garbage bag filled with his belongings for a towel to dry himself off. “I’m going to crash out here for a few days, but don’t worry, you’ll barely notice me.”

After making himself decent, Youkilis invited himself into Epstein’s solarium, took a seat and began venting to an unprepared Epstein. “You know how those guys are,” said Youkilis in reference to the Red Sox. “Total dicks. And I didn’t have anywhere to stay in Chi-town, so I figure my old boss would be cool if I squatted for a bit,” though, judging by the look on Epstein’s face, it was not “cool.”

“By the way,” added Youkilis, “Can you give a lift to U.S. Cellular Field? That’s pretty much in the same neighborhood as your office, right?”

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