HEAVEN - Famed New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner has been busy. After a restful night's sleep and a brief major heart attack in the early hours of the morning in Tampa, Steinbrenner has ascended to heaven and is hard at work. The longtime Yankees boss is reportedly close to signing legendary Boston Red Sox slugger Ted Williams to a 17,000-year $25-million-per-year contract. Boston faithful are not happy. But Williams knows that his head has been f*cked with so much that he'll never be able to be brought back to life from his cryogenic freeze without suffering severe brain damage. By accepting the Yankees' offer, however, he can play ball with Dom DiMaggio's taller brother, Joe, just like he always wanted. When God learned of Williams' impending signing, he didn't think it was the best idea and tried to reason with Steinbrenner. Steinbrenner then fired him. "We all have a job to do here and if you're not performing, you're gone," said Steinbrenner. "On another note, the Williams deal is almost done. And I've already contacted the YES network to air all the games in the city of Boston on every channel. "