NEW ORLEANS SAINTS VS INDIANAPOLIS COLTS

SUNDAY 6:25 ET CBS

Stan Tanna, back with your all your winners for Super Bowl XLIV. More ways to win money and get you drunk than you can come up with on your own this Sunday. Will Peyton Manning pass his way by Brett Favre as every NFL writer’s glory boy? Will Kim Kardashian bullet-proof her ass before entering Joe Robbie Land Shark Sun Life Stadium? Will Drew Brees’ mole grow back and throw a touchdown on its own? Will the Saints win one for all those Katrina victims, topless co-eds and drunk court jesters? Will The Who forget their set halfway through and shit their Depends? Will Tebow’s pro-life ad get aborted for a guy-on-guy makeout commercial? These are the questions that plague America as the sporting event of the season nears. But the biggest question: is of course which team will win. And while the playoffs may have been exciting, they have ultimately been predictable. That’s why I’m going with the Colts to win and cover the five point spread. Boring I know, but better to be right than popular.

Last week: 2-0, 0-2 vs the spread
Playoffs: 4-2, 1-5 vs the spread

Let’s get to the exciting stuff.

OCNN interviews
Saints -4

Late hit penalties
Saints -3.5

Lucky Pierres
Colts -5.5

NFL copyright infringements
Saints -1,272

Hungover at kickoff
Saints -29

Drunk at halftime
Saints -53

Pete Townsend cheers for
Patriots -2.5

Jets fans tased by
Colts -17

Plays called by head coach
Saints -73

Players who know who “The Who” are
Colts -1

Heartfelt video montages
Saints -4.5

Ochocinco tries to suit up for
Colts -8

Dwight Freeney’s ankle helps
Saints -2.5

Fans evacuate stadium first
Colts -582

Jesus secretly cheering for
Even

Players Kurt Warner sketches for Sunday school
Colts -3