Geoff Geoffrey, TAUNTR Sports Celebrity Gossip Columnist

Wowee what a star-studded weekend of football! This weekend I did absolutely NOTHING except get a nice mani-pedi before the Saints-Cardinals game and then plop myself in front of the boob-tube with Lombardi, my sweet little Brussels Griffon, to soak up all of the NFL playoff action! I wanted to be the first to see what everyone at TAUNTR would be talking about Monday morning and boy-howdy do I have the scoop! 

So after seeing this video of the Vikings locker room celebration we all know that American Idol is Brett-fabulous-at-forty-Favre’s favorite TV show. Pants on the ground! Ha! Now that’s something I’d like to see with all that rump-smacking going down in that locker room. Just make sure Brad-hide-your-Childress isn’t around! HEE-HAW! 

Anyhoo, Favre’s unabashed love for AI got me thinking: what are the other QB’s favorite TV shows who played this weekend? Here are my not-so-edumakated guesses! 

TONY ROMO, DALLAS COWBOYS 

I’m no big bird, but it doesn’t take a cuckoo to go out on a limb that Tony-the-guido-of-Arlington-Romo’s favorite show has to be Jersey Shore. Every press conference he’s dressed like he’s heading out to find a club serving Red Bulls and vodkas half off. And considering how greasy his hands were during the Vikings game, I’m sure he’s been manscaping that hairdo of his. Where else better to deny how in love with your BFFF (Best Favre Friend Forever) you are than in a puddle of Jäger with a bunch of ‘roided up dudes at the Jersey Shore? Look out Snooki, Tony’s got a situation alright, only it’s not six-pack abs, it’s choking in the playoffs again!

DREW BREES, NEW ORLEANS SAINTS 

When it comes to New Orleans, you know all of that Bressus nonsense has to be going to Mr. Drew’s head. So when you think you’re superhuman, there’s no other show to watch except Heroes. I think if I hung 45 on the Cardinals I’d believe I could stop time, have telepathy and could breathe under water too. When Brees decides to jump from the roof of the Superdome to prove he can fly, remember you heard it here first Geoffreyites!

KURT WARNER, ARIZONA CARDINALS 

Okay, this was a toughie. I mean does Kurt-God-Is-My-Co-Pilot-Warner even watch TV? And if so, has his wife Brenda (how is she NOT the lead singer from Roxette) parental-controlled all of the channels except CBN? If Kurt is watching secular TV I’m sure tops on his list is Glee. If that guy doesn’t become a head coach of a high school football team-slash-musical troupe the NANOSECOND he retires then I’ll eat my Prada handbag(s). He’s got more glee in his little finger than Nathan Lane does in his entire body (trust me I know). Forget the Hall of Fame, I want to see Kurt-I’ve-Got-Rhythm-Warner win a Tony! 

PEYTON MANNING, INDIANAPOLIS COLTS 

Blah, blah, blah the Colts get home field advantage, blah, blah, blah they beat the Ravens. HO HUM! Just another day’s work for Peyton-Takes-His-Job-Like-A-Real-Freaking-Job-Manning! So it’s no surprise that this thrilla in vanilla loves the show Bored To Death. Now I haven’t seen the show, but I know it stars Nicolas Cage’s much more boring cousin Jason Schwartzman. And the title is Bored To Death, which is exactly how Manning plays out there every Sunday. Is he calling plays or yawning? I can’t tell. Please write in and let the Geoffermeister know! 

JOE FLACCO, BALTIMORE RAVENS 

Poor Joey. The one time the team needs you to make a play all season and splat!  Nada. I think the pressure of the playoff spotlight was getting to the little fella. I think he’d rather be holed up in his mom’s basement with a Dungeons and Dragons board and a few liters of Hawaiian Punch. And when he turns on the TV in said basement, rest assured he’s watching Two and a Half Men. Not only are the softball-jokes mindnumbingly dumb, he can live vicarously through the half-man kid on the show. I’m sure in the locker room the two men are the two Rays, Rice and Lewis. And Joe is the little half-man butt of the joke. Happy off-seaon with your sitcom Joseph!

MARK SANCHEZ, NEW YORK JETS 

A team can’t back into the playoffs any further than the New York Jets. Mark Sanchez is the loveable hunky star with tons of poise who somehow always has amazing things fall right into his oh-so-charmed lap of his (one of which ought to be the ol’ Geoffrey Geoffers, if you catch my drift)! So when he clicks on the TV after a hard day of 5 interceptions and a win, you know he’s watching Accidentally On Purpose. It’s a show nobody with a pulse wants to watch (hello Jets offense!) but gets great ratings from moms and tween girls. It’s like the creation of a mastermind network president. Maybe Rex Ryan should end this Leno/Conan feud! ZINGER!

PHILIP RIVERS, SAN DIEGO CHARGERS 

What can you say about the San Diego Super Chokers? Philip Rivers is hands down the best quarterback on the best team to do absolutely nothing ever. Now that he’s got three extra weeks of TV watching he didn’t realize he was going to have, I’m sure he’ll be tuning into The Biggest Loser. If this show truly lived up to its name it would be a documentary about the Chargers. For Phil’s sake, it’s about fat people. And when you think about it, watching morbidly obese people sweat just thinking about pie  is probably the only thing that can make Mr. Rivers feel better about himself right now. 

Well Lombardi is hungry for some organic doggy food. Better take care of the pup before he bites the hand that feed him. Shanks for tuning in for another episode of the Sportsparazzi. I’m Geoff Geoffrey saying, “stay fabulous sports fans!”