Sammy Sosa’s skin rejuvenation complete

CHICAGO — After months of intense skin treatments to look like movie star Tom Hanks, Sammy Sosa appeared in public for the first time at a gala event in Chicago. Not looking anything like his former self, a much whiter, happier Sosa addressed the media. “Say hello to the new Sammy Sosa,” said Sosa. “The new Sammy does not do steroids, does not cheat and is a charming, humble friendly white American movie star who everyone loves and adores.” Sosa has been vilified by the media as a cheater for bat corking and assumed steroid use during his 1998 home run race with Mark McGwire. “I will be looking forward to appearing to huge applause on the Jay Leno show, and taking my pick of multi-million dollar movie deals.” When asked about Sosa’s new look, America said they “loved him in Forrest Gump.”

TAGS: Chicago Cubs, NL Central, In The News

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