Ryan Howard picks his underwear out of his teeth through his butt
PHILADELPHIA - Phillies slugger Ryan Howard is recovering today after his dentist and proctologist successfully removed his underwear from his teeth and butt following an atomic wedgie incident. It happened during a game against the Nationals, when Howard left the field with a sprained ankle. A trainer rushed to help him off. Thinking fast, the trainer pulled hard and up on the pants and underwear of Howard in order to relieve pressure on the ankle. Howard was then taken to the locker room for further treatment while being stuffed into a locker. It wasn't until Howard made it home and got ready for bed did he notice the underwear.
"I brushed my teeth, started to floss and I came up with this big chunk of "Fruit of Loom" in my back molar" says Howard. "It was attached to something way down inside me so I called the Phillies trainer. He said 'Yea, that's a side effect of the treatment.' So he referred me to a dentist. Who then referred me to a proctologist. I hear it was the first ever dental-proctology surgery. It blazed new trails in the field of dental-proctology. I'm just now starting to feel better. I don't even notice the pain in my ankle any more."
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