Prior to the start of the 2010 Major League Baseball season, Tauntr spoofed the MLB Network advertisement Beyond Optimism. The point of the commercial was to illustrate how even fans of some of the majors’ most hapless teams, such as the Pittsburgh Pirates, still have hope headed into Opening Day. The spot lent itself perfectly to spoofing, as in some cases, a false sense of optimism does little good for baseball fans who are only bound to be disappointed.

With that in mind, we felt that it would be a good idea to go back and look how our translation predictions panned out. There is still a month left in the season, but for the most part the playoff picture is starting to shape up pretty clearly in most divisions.

So, how did we do?

Los Angeles Dodgers

Translation: The McCourt divorce scares me, and we just had an irreconcilable offseason.

Well, the McCourt divorce, which officially began this week, still should strike fear into any Dodgers fan and will surely dominate headlines for the immediate future. Meanwhile, the Dodgers’ failure to address their weaknesses last offseason came back to haunt them as the team has almost no chance of advancing to the postseason again. Manny is gone, Matt Kemp has been better as Rihana’s rude boy than as an outfielder and most of the noteworthy baseball stories from Dodgerland have more to do with the McCourt’s shenanigans than any excellence on the field.

So, for our L.A. translation, we will give five stars here.

Tampa Bay Rays

Translation: It’ll take a lot of cowbell for us to surpass the Red Sox or Yankees. Fucking AL East.

Well, there is still some baseball left and nothing is official. As of right now, though, the Rays are in a dead lock with the Yankees for first place in the American League East and will almost surely will win the Wild Card if they miss out on the division. So, yes, it indeed took a lot of cowbell, as well as many key injuries plaguing the Red Sox.

Two stars.

San Diego Padres

Translation: And by best, I mean worst. We’ll lose 95 games and our only star player, Adrian Gonzalez, will be traded by July.

Boy, does this one look dumb in hindsight. The Padres’ success has been one of the surprise storylines of the ’10 season. Thanks to an excellent pitching staff and defense—run prevention!!!—the club finds itself leading the N.L. West and headed for the postseason for the first time in a while. The franchise now has new, more stable ownership and front office leadership in place, but a rise to relevance occurred much faster than anyone could have anticipated. Still, our 95-loss prediction, well, looks absurd here on the final day in August. Perhaps most surprisingly, star San Diego first baseman Adrian Gonzalez is not only still on the roster, his name hardly surfaced in trade rumors during July. As an impending free agent who will be a difficult, expensive player to sign, a deal seemed inevitable last winter.

Zero stars. In fact, we not only do not get any stars, baseball fans are all now dumber for having read our drivel.

Texas Rangers

Translation: I’m thinking pennant or our cokehead manager will be fired.

Well, the Rangers have a shot at the pennant. A high-powered offense, led by slugging outfielder Josh Hamilton, has Texas in place to run away with the A.L. West. And all those calls for manager Ron Washington’s head in light of the spring report that he tested positive for cocaine seem like they came forever ago, if they happened at all. Even when it comes to having a cokehead manager, it seems, winning cures all. Still, given that it was an ultimatum, our translation was not too far off.

One star.

Boston Red Sox

Translation: I definitely see this “run prevention” thing blowing up in our faces. I’m calling for Theo’s head.

Well, the Red Sox have actually had an impressive season. Given their unfortunate run of injuries, it is pretty amazing that Boston has played as well as it has. Unfortunately, like we indicated in our Rays translation, the “fucking AL East” is the best division in baseball. Put that club in any other division in baseball, the team makes the postseason with ease. Fucking A.L. East, cries Sully from Dorchester.

Interestingly, for all the worrying about a lack of offense, the Red Sox rank among league leaders in runs scored per game. So the attention on the team's run prevention strategy, while indeed a major priority for the front office, was blown out of proportion. Plus, anybody calling for Theo Epstein’s head is a moron, given how intelligent he is, which was kind of the joke in the first place.

Still, we would feel bad taking more than one star.

Los Angeles Angels

Translation: All the way to the ALCS, where we’ll lost yet again to an A.L. East team.

Angels manager Mike Scioscia is definitely overrated. Mike Napoli can hit; Jeff Mathis cannot. That is all.

One star

Chicago White Sox

Translation: Minnesota will win the Central, but at least we have Ozzie Guillen’s Twitter account to keep us entertained.

Five stars here. No fucking doubt. The Twins are going to win the Central, again, even without star first baseman Justin Morneau. And, while Guillen’s Twitter has been tamer in the aftermath of the Oney controversy, the soap opera involving the popular manager and GM Kenny Williams made for an entertaining first few months of the season.

Milwaukee Brewers

Translation: If a tubby like Prince Fielder can become a vegan, anything is possible. Except for our chances of contending with St. Louis.

St. Louis was wrong, but, if you insert Cincinnati, we are right on. Four stars.

New York Yankees

Translation: What are we doing in this commercial with all these other shitty teams?

I still wonder why MLB would want to include Yankees fans in a commercial about fans showing their optimism. I mean, with that kind of payroll, it is almost insulting to the other fan bases in the spot to include New York. Seriously.

Pittsburgh Pirates

Translation: After 17 straight losing seasons, this team better be on the right fucking track.

Indeed. But, despite the Pirates' losing streak celebrating its 18th birthday and now having the right to buy cigarettes and vote, the front office is finally investing in the farm. So, the team is actually on the right track, and it is about damn time. Five stars.

Detroit Tigers

Translation: We always have hope in Detroit. Hope and foreclosures.

Well, this one was obvious and perhaps the most no-brain translation from back in March. Of course there are still foreclosures in Detroit. And, thanks to the team’s shitty play, we were spared 300 lazy columns about how the Tigers’ success inspired a city fallen on difficult times.

Five stars.

Minnesota Twins

Translation: I’m predicting five sausages in my belly every game all year long.

Tauntr has confirmed that this rather hefty individual and die-hard Twins fan did indeed digest five sausages in his belly every game all year long.

Five stars.

So, all in all, outside of the Padres, Tauntr fared pretty well. How do you think we did?