Pirates ask MLB if they can just skip this season and use last year’s record

PITTSBURGH—As a majority of MLB teams eagerly welcome Opening Day and rekindle their hopes of capturing a World Series title, the already defeatist Pittsburgh Pirates, not wanting to really bother with the hassles of another grueling season in which will ultimately end in failure, have decided to petition the MLB for permission to forgo this season and just reuse the record they had last year.

“Meh, why bother?” answered Pirates GM Neal Hunting when asked about the club’s unprecedented move to skip the entire season. “Look, we all know this is going to end badly, so why bother dicking around for 162 games pretending like it matters? We all have better things to do this summer, so just mark us down for another 57-105 and we’ll catch you guys next year.”

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flyered-up_19464 3 years 33 weeks ago
They should make Charlie Sheen the skipper. At least then if they lose they'll still be "winning". And a helluva lot more entertaining.