Get to know the asshole behind you at University of Phoenix Stadium: The best thing about the Arizona Cardinals fan is he won’t be around long. Most of the fans that witnessed the Cards’ trip to the 2009 Super Bowl are either dead or don’t remember thanks to the Alzheimer’s. If he’s sitting next to you, look out—he has zero control over his bowels. There’s a much better chance of explosive runs pouring down the stands from his pant leg than explosive runs from anywhere out of the Arizona backfield.