NCAA to permit UConn’s drunk and jowly mascot, Calhoun, at title game

HOUSTON—UConn will face a fierce challenge on the court tonight as they hope to capture the program’s third national title, but they’ve already scored a key victory before tip off. Yesterday, the NCAA granted permission for UConn’s drunk and jowly mascot, Calhoun, to roam the sidelines during tonight’s national championship game against Butler. The decision came on the heels of the NCAA lifting its ban on live mascots to allow Butler’s beloved Blue II, an English bulldog, to be present for the team’s semi-final victory over VCU.

“It may not seem like a big deal to most people, but it means the world to us players,” an elated and relieved Kemba Walker told reporters after discovering Calhoun would be permitted at the game. “When playing in an unfamiliar atmosphere such as a national title game it helps to have some element of comfort and familiarity. For us, that’s Calhoun. All season we’ve had Calhoun at our games, drunkenly meandering the sideline and barking with his jowls flapping. It’s hilarious. It loosens us up. And that’s important in a big game like this.”

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