NBA stars missing, say mild-mannered reporters at postgame presser

OKLAHOMA CITY, OK - In the wake of a thrilling, instant classic NBA Finals Game 2, the game’s biggest stars have vanished. LeBron James, Kevin Durant, Dwyane Wade, and Russell Westbrook were all absent from their post-game press conferences, and the strangely familiar looking mild-mannered reporters who replaced them at the podium claimed not to know where the hardcourt heroes went.

“As a clumsy and earnest investigative journalist, I wish I had the scoop,” the bespectacled and tattooed giant at the Heat podium said, “but I don’t.”

His muscle-bound companion consulted his trusty reporter notepad before adding: “LeBron and Wade just said their work here was done, made sure all the women and children in attendance were okay, and disappeared into the night.”

Over at the Thunder podium, an enormously tall, lanky and youthful reporter offered a prediction. “Now, I may just be a humble newspaperman, but I’m not worried. Something tells me Durant and Westbrook will be back to save us in our moment of greatest need.” Then he gave the crowd an easy to see wink behind his lensless glasses.

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