Massive spill of exotic dancers in the Gulf threatens Super Bowl

DALLAS—The culmination of the NFL's 2010-11 season is in peril this week as an unprecedented spill of exotic dancers is expected to wash over Dallas. "The spill," explained Stripperoligist Adam "Pac-Man" Jones, "is the result of an ignored leak of sexual frustration combining with the easily combustible wealth and celebration. The outcome, as always, is explosive." Concerns are growing that the ever expanding spill area will inevitably engulf the fragile ecosystem that is Steelers vs. Packers.

"You have to protect the seal," vented a quivering and bleary eyed Roger Goodell. "I've been having nightmares all week about these players coated with strippers. Exotic dancer residue is highly destructive and nearly impossible to remove." Goodell has been forced to take drastic measures, sending in emergency moral warriors, such as Tony Dungy, as a way to protect his most vulnerable players, the most notable of which is an endangered species, Behaved Big Ben. "If even a drop of stripper gets near him" worried the commissioner, "the Super Bowl is doomed."

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