
Looking for ways to get worse, NFL Network pursues Chris Berman
BRISTOL — Quite possibly the shittiest sports broadcasting network in the world is looking to get even shittier. The NFL Network is said to be pursuing longtime ESPN personality Chris Berman. “We’re rumblin,’ bumblin,’ stublin’ to get Boomer to sign up,” said NFL Network anchorman Rich Eisen. “If we’re lucky we could…go…all…the…way with Berman.” The network, full of some of the douchiest, dumbest ex-NFL players ever put together in one room, need the cherry on top, the blowhard of all blowhards, Chris Berman, to really make NFL fans want to tear their ears off and stab them into their eyes. “I’ve always liked Rich Eisen-the-back-of-his-head,” said Berman, “I’m loyal to ESPN, but it would be fun to yuk it up with ‘Marshall Marshall Marshall Faulk,’ now if you’ll excuse me I have to phone in a commercial for Applebee’s.”
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