Lions narrowly defeat Bengals in battle for control of cell block D

LEAVENWORTH, KS - The Cincinnati Bengals’ seven year run of prison-yard supremacy at the Leavenworth Federal Penitentiary came to an end this Sunday at the hands of the upstart Detroit Lions.

“The Bengals was a dynasty, no doubt. They ruled cell block D and wasn’t nobody big enough to take it from ‘em,” said Earle Macintosh, a longtime prison fight commentator serving 15-20 for assault and extortion. “Wasn’t nobody big enough... until now, that is.”

The Lions utilized their younger, meaner roster of criminals to eke out ultimate victory while a Bengals squad eroded by age, rehabilitation, and religion finally fell from the throne.

Lions prison-team captain Nick Fairley tried to keep his emotions in check after the big win. “It’s like coach said in his letters, and this is great advice for all you kids out there: Approach it one shiv at a time and never take your eye off the brawl.”

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