LOS ANGELES - It has been quite a week for the University of Southern California football program's recruiting violation program. After coach Pete Carroll left for the Seattle Seahawks, many wondered if the football program's recruiting violation program would be shut down. But then the football program's recruiting violation program found the University of Tennessee football program's recruiting violation program's president, Lane Kiffin. "I would be proud to carry on this program's fine traditions," said coach Kiffin in a statement. "I will also bring some of my own traditions. The University of Tennessee football program's recruiting violation program used very hot chicks to get some high schoolers to apply to Tennessee. It was extremely effective. The girls here at the University of Southern California are much hotter and I'm willing to bet, sluttier. I guarantee I will make the University of Southern California football program's recruiting violation program number one in the country."