SOUTH BEND, IN — 11 Fighting Irish athletes were arrested for underage drinking and public intoxication Friday night, including former Notre Dame quarterback Joe Montana and his son Nate. “Joe Montana got wasted,” said wide receiver Robby Toma. “He was out in the street, he took off those ridiculous shoes he wears, you know, those Skechers Shape-Ups, and he started throwing them like footballs to us. We were recreating Dwight Clark’s ‘The Catch’ and pretending to be Jerry Rice and John Taylor in the Super Bowls. Then he got naked and ran around campus like Will Ferrell in ‘Old School.’ Man that guy cannot handle his liquor.” Joe Montana was not available for comment. However Joe Namath was relieved. “Thank God I’m not the only drunk in the Pro Football Hall of Fame,” said Namath. “I mean I’ve done a lot of stupid things in my life, like making a pass at Suzy Kolber on live television, but at least I didn’t agree to be the spokesman for the stupidest gimmick shoe in the world.” Namath then stumbled over to the bar where he hit on a man wearing a messenger bag, calling it a “cute purse.”