Jesus confirms he will no longer say 'you're welcome' every time Tebow thanks him
DENVER — In a brief statement to the media, longtime supporter Jesus H. Christ said that he will no longer reply in any way to Denver Broncos rookie quarterback Tim Tebow's incessant thanking. Tebow has given thanks to Jesus sometimes up to 30 times per day ever since he was a small child. Jesus has always tried to say "You're welcome" in some way to each and every one of his devoted followers but after awhile, he grew tired of hearing from Tebow every time he safely put his pants on. "It's really hard to be Jesus and block out annoying people," said Jesus. "I hear everything. And really, you don't need to thank me for everything. Maybe you got that touchdown on your own, man. Do you think I just sit around and watch every one of your games? No I didn't guide your missing cat home last week. And I didn't make Urban Meyer love you. And I certainly didn't make Brady Quinn into a suck machine. Sometimes these things happen naturally. I can't take credit for everything. And really, just thank me once a year. On Christmas. The way everybody else does. I'm cool with that."
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