MLB umpire Joe West slammed the Yanks and Bo-Sox organizations on Wednesday for what he deemed extremely slow ass play. West was apparently upset when he missed spaghetti night and re-runs of Hogan's Heroes on Tuesday evening. "These players just don't understand that people have plans and when those plans are interrupted it can be very upsetting”. West, who has not missed many meals over the years, has been a self described worshiper of Sergeant Hans Shultz from the Hogan’s Heroes TV sitcom. “My transformation to the character I have come to love is almost complete but because players wanted to give fans a reason to spend $2600 for tickets I am now behind in my transformation”. West added that his rant on the team’s came from vigorous practice he has completed as the infamous German Sergeant; minus the garb of course.

Former French boxer Joseph LaGlass, better known as Glass Joe was found dead in his Paris appartment Sunday morning. Officials have ruled it as a suicide. Joes boxing career was less than successful, posting a 1-99 record. He had often been humilited by such boxers as Von Kaiser, Don Flamenco, and the late King Hippo, but his downword sprial really began when he was embarassed by then newcomer, Little Mac, who weant on to defeat Super Macho Man before being paralyzed by Mike Tyson. Joe is survived by his son Pierre. His wife FiFi died under mysterios circumstances in 1992. Joe was the min suspect, but was never convicted.

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