WASHINGTON — Washington Redskins defensive lineman Albert Haynesworth has finally been diagnosed with Acute Shanahan Allergy, or ASA by team doctors. This diagnosis comes after weeks of Haynesworth missing practices and failing conditioning tests. “We finally know what’s wrong with Albert,” said Dr. Tyler Cooper. “We’ve run extensive tests and have come to the conclusion that Albert is extremely allergic to his head coach. This is the most severe case of ASA I have ever been witness to, even more so than the case Al Davis had back in 1989.” Symptoms of ASA include ignoring responsibility to huge paychecks, lack of effort on the field, and lack of concentration off the field. “This bout of ASA is really wreaking havoc on Albert,” said Dr. Cooper. “He can’t get within one hundred yards of coach Shanahan. Which is a shame because that is also the exact size of a standard football field.” There is no known cure for ASA. The only things doctors have recommended to Redskins officials is to see if more money and a sweet defensive end position could not lessen the symptoms. “I think it’s worth a shot,” said Cooper. “Albert is a really great athlete if you put him in a bubble.”