Ever literal Todd Helton reminds teammates today is technically first day of spring training

SCOTTSDALE, AZ—Pitchers and catchers have been working out at the Rockies spring training facility for over a month now, but veteran first baseman Todd Helton, who teammates describe as taking everything so “goddamn literally,” made it a point to remind everyone that today was technically the first actual day of “spring” training.

“Really,” said a smug Helton as he led the team through morning stretches, “Everything we’ve been doing up until today took place in the winter season. See, today is the vernal equinox, which means the Earth’s equator is on the same plane as the Sun, making today, scientifically, the first day of spring, and, in our case, the first day of spring training.”

Although none of his teammates responded to Helton’s unsolicited correction, he continued, “If you think about, they should really name what we’re doing ‘Winter Training,’ because we spend more time here in the winter than we do the spring,” Helton laughed to himself, satisfied with his astute yet completely unnecessary observation, “I doubt they’ll do that though. Maybe if all sign a petition. Would you guys sign a petition to change it to ‘Winter Training’ if I wrote one up?”

Helton then scampered off the field to draft his petition while the remaining Rockies continued, unfazed, with their remaining calisthenics.

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