Evan Longoria Causes Cock Fight

Tampa Bay left fielder Carl Crawford and manager Joe Maddon were ejected during the fifth inning of Tuesday’s Red Sox-Rays game at Tropicana Field. Umpire Bob Davidson went nuts while tossing Crawford and Maddon, usually known for being quiet when it comes to such issues. On the broadcast, the announcers assumed that the initial argument was over Crawford complaining about balls and strikes—a definite no-no that usually leads to ejections. However, after obtaining exclusive audio footage of the encounter (we had Maddon mic’d up), tauntr has gotten to the bottom of what the beef was truly about: the size of Evan Longoria's (and his teammates') cock. Davidson told Crawford that he had a tiny dick, just like the rest of the team. Maddon then came out to defend Crawford and the Rays' collective manhood, pointing to the recent photos of Longoria’s cock on Barstool Sports as evidence (NSFW, if you click, just say "no homo" and you're in the clear) of why the ump was wrong to think that Tampa Bay has the tiniest dicks in the American League.

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