HATTIESBURG, Miss — After spending the last two weeks in Hattiesburg, Mississippi trying to round up a story on Brett Favre without much luck, Ed Werder decided to invest in breast implants. Werder hopes the DD-cup-sized breasts will entice Favre to send him lurid text messages, or “sexts,” much like the ones allegedly received by former New York Jets sideline reporter Jenn Sterger. “I hope these babies will get me the story of a lifetime,” said a woozy Werder from his recovery room at Hattiesburg plastic surgeon Dr. William Talbot’s office. “Next time Brett drives down his access road to go fishin’ he’s gonna see some monster cleavage waiting for him at the intersection. I don’t think he’ll be able to resist sending me pictures of his cock once he lays his eyes on the fabulous bazongas.” Dr. Talbot claims the surgery went well. “Mr. Werder seems to be recovering nicely,” said Talbot. “With this set of cans Mr. Werder is now probably in the top ten most attractive women in Hattiesburg.” Favre has been living at his home in Hattiesburg since the Vikings loss in the NFC Championship game in January. “I would imagine Brett has been here long enough to where he’s ready to show some ladies his dong via camera phone,” said Talbot. “Heck I’d do Ed Werder right now, that’s how proud of my work I am.”