Date rapists vow to get more concussions after hearing Big Ben medical report
PITTSBURGH — Sports Illustrated reported Wednesday that concussions could have caused Ben Roethlisberger’s alleged misconduct with women. “A person with [frontal lobe] damage may not read the intentions of a woman at a bar very well,” Dr. Jordan Grafman, a neuropsychologist said. After hearing this report, hundreds of date rapists began giving themselves concussions. “I think my case is going to trial,” said alleged date rapist Ralph Jorgensen. “My lawyer said if I don’t have a history of concussions, I better start now, so I went to the batting cages without a helmet and started taking pitches to the head.” Although Roethlisberger is losing his hero status among younger fans, he is gaining strong support from the date rapist community. “Ben’s my new hero,” said Jorgensen. “It’s nice to have someone there you can really look to for ideas. There hasn’t been a guy like this since Ike Turner.”
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