Cleveland to bring back Thome, watch Drew Carey reruns and pretend last 10 years didn’t happen

CLEVELAND—The Indians have finalized a deal to bring back beloved slugger Jim Thome to the shores of Lake Erie, which, along with the city’s commitment to watch nothing but old episodes of the equally beloved Drew Carey Show, completes an ambitious plan by Clevelanders to forget that the past decade ever happened.

Though not necessarily a paradise prior to 2001, the city’s precipitous decline in morale the past decade has had residents dreaming for a return of the self described “glory days,” which by Cleveland standards meant having a prolific hitter and primetime ABC comedy set in their town.

“We’ve really had a rough go of it these past ten years, and I think this plan will help us forget all of that,” said local resident Judith Burowski. “I’m not saying 2001 was exactly perfect, but back then it wasn’t bad. We were only a few years removed from a World Series appearance. The Browns had just come back to town. People across the country would see Drew, Mimi, Oswald and Lewis on TV each week and say to themselves, ‘That Cleveland place doesn’t seem too bad.’” Burowski sighed, “What I wouldn’t give to feel like that again.”

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