BYU students rally around suspended Davies to ask him what sex feels like

PROVO, UT—In a show of campus unity, the Brigham Young student body has come together and rallied around suspended basketball star Brandon Davies to ask him what it felt like to have sexual intercourse. Davies, who was booted from the #3 nationally ranked Cougars after it was discovered he broke the school’s honor code by having carnal relations with his girlfriend, received an outpouring of support from those seeking intimate knowledge of the opposite sex.

“Was it squishy?” shouted a young man. “My brother got married last year, and he told me it was squishy.” A publicly shamed Davies did not stop to answer any of his fans’ questions, but it did not slow the constant bombardment of information requests from the hoard of virgins who had little to no understanding of how human procreation worked.

“What did you do with the baby when you were done?" asked one confused coed. "Did you baptize him immediately or did you pray together first? Either way, I bet it was totally awesome."

TAGS: NCAA, In The News
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Jebediah Springfield 3 years 34 weeks ago
Words like what?
Alexander Daniels 3 years 34 weeks ago
Squishy? Are you even allowed to use words like that?