Brian Wilson turns out to be missing mental patient

SAN FRANCISCO--As San Francisco prepares for tonight’s World Series Game 1, their bullpen suffered a severe blow when it was discovered that dominant closer Brian Wilson is in fact an escaped patient from a California Mental Hospital. Wilson, who has 5 saves and 0.00 ERA this postseason, was taken into custody and will therefore be unable to pitch for the Giants as they attempt to win their first World Series 1954. “We were always a little suspicious,” said Giants GM Brian Sabean. “But he was pitching so well that we just let it slide.” That all ended on Tuesday afternoon when police and doctors arrived at AT&T Park to return Wilson back to the state’s care. “Obama’s dog is actually a Soviet area rug!” screamed Wilson as they restrained him and ushered him into an awaiting ambulance.

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