INDIANAPOLIS — As the last few laps of the 2010 Indianapolis 500 wound down, cameras flocked to Ashley Judd, as she was about to become the first woman in history to win the Indy 500. “This is so amazing,” said a teary-eyed Judd as her Italian-ish husband technically drove her winning car across the finish line. “To be here in victory circle, to take the first drink of milk, it’s a dream come true and a victory for women everywhere.” Judd actually didn’t compete in the Indy 500, although four other women actually did qualify in the field, including Danica Patrick who finished sixth. “She didn’t win,” said a frustrated Patrick after the race, “She didn’t even drive the car. Do you people understand she’s just the wife of the winning driver?” Patrick was then harshly booed by fans and reporters alike. “I feel sorry for Danica,” said Judd. “She has some self-loathing about being a woman and that’s sad. She needs to embrace her femininity not reject it. She needs to be empowered enough with her vagina to let her husband reach the achievements. Truly powerful women don’t achieve, they just reap the rewards. Get with the 21st century girl!”