76 sportswriters perish in stampede to make same Cam Newton joke
Cam Newton’s announcement of his intentions to enter the NFL Draft had horrific repercussions as 76 sportswriters died during an uncontrollable rush to make the same “Now Cam Newton will make slightly more money” joke at once. The trite quip, which stems from Newton’s pay-for-play scandal, proved much too irresistible to the hoards of the nation’s journalists and led to the deaths, along with countless other injuries, during the race to use it.
“A tragedy,” remarked Stephen Poulin, spokesperson for the Sportswriters of America. “We were hoping our people would be able to act civilly when this story broke, but unfortunately, they reverted back to their primal needs to make a quick joke and be the first to react to the news.” Mark continued, head hung low, fighting back tears, “This is the worse sports writing tragedy since The Pun Wars of the early 1980s.”
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