Wow. Simply fucking wow. I see a lot of YouTube videos, many of which leave me feeling as if I’ve just been sodomized by a Flipcam, but this colossal conglomeration of horseshit really deserves a total breakdown.

And we need to do it now because I’m sure Jerry Jones and the powers that be in Dallas are feverously drafting up a cease and desist letter to this dude to pull the video. Because having slack jawed rednecks as fans is one thing, their numbers and purchasing power is strong. But having fans like this guy is bad for business. Nobody likes this guy. Shit, judging by his willingness to post this video for the world to see, it’s safe to say this guy doesn’t even like this guy. OK boys and girls, let’s go to the tape.

0:03: We’ve established his name as Matthias. No joke here. That one does all the heavy lifting itself.

0:08-0:13: “…Best team in the world…We will rock your world!...