Knoxville, TN--In a press conference held over the speaker system at the McDonald's drive up on route 155, local drive-thru attendant Herbert Glanville announced he will be ending his free agency to sign with the Tennessee Titans. “It’s been long and tiresome free-agency period and I’m real excited y'all wonderful folks had the gusto to show up for my announcement,” said Glanville, a three-time McDonald's demerit award winner. “Without further ado, this season, I, Herbert H. Glanville Jr., will be signing with none other than hometown favorites the Tennessee Titans.” Later adding, “would anyone like to buy two apple pies for the price of just one dollar.”

Glanville, who recently caught a bottle a ketchup hurled from all the way across the kitchen with only one hand, said the recent rash of free agent signings, as well as his new found hands, inspired him to sign so quickly. “I thought about exploring my options, but I feel Tennessee, since its only a 30 minute drive from mom’s, is the perfect destination.” While the Titans have yet to tender Glanville a contract, the self proclaimed future pro-bowler is content to wait. Also...