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What do you mean this towel doesn't prevent gator attacks?

Posted By Fudge
Tuesday, May 22, 2012

I don't know what else this poor guy could have done to avoid this surprising gator attack. Sure, maybe if he wanted to be extra cautious he could have prodded the animal with a stick a few times to show him who's really boss, but--99 times out of 100--daintily draping a towel over the face of a 250 lb beast is more than enough to subdue it. He's lucky to be alive though, but only because he "managed to get away" and not because the alligator benevolently decided to stop biting him while he laid there helpless. 

[Via boing boing]

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SNL's Stephen A. Smith impression is pretty spot on

Posted By Fudge
Monday, May 21, 2012

If it weren’t for Skip Bayless, the lion’s share of our collective animosity towards ESPN’s many awful personalities would probably go to Stephen A. Smith. In fact, I’d argue Stephen A. is nearly as bad as Bayless, it’s just that Bayless' awfulness constantly lingers, like an annoying co-worker, so we’re more prone to hate him. Stephen A. Smith is more like a car alarm, violating you with awful noises for a few minutes until it disappears in an instant and you forget it even happened.

But just because the effects of Stephen A. Smith’s hackiness aren’t permanent, doesn’t mean someone shouldn’t remind us what sort of pollution pours from his mouth, which is exactly what Jay Pharaoh did brilliantly on the season finale of SNL. So while everyone was crying at Kristen Wiig’s departure as if she won’t be in every other comedy for the next four years, we’re applauding Jay Pharaoh for saying what we all want to say but were too busy to because we were all calling Skip Bayless a worthless piece of crap [which, as always, he is].

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In 1992, Rosie Perez, a professional movie person, appeared on Jeopardy in White Man Can't Jump and gave an embarrassingly bad answer to a question about basketball [Who knew Babe Ruth wasn't the NBA's all-time leading rebounder?]

Twenty years later, in 2012, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, a professional basketball person, appeared on Jeopardy in real life and gave an embarrassingly bad answer to a question about movies. 

Now, this may all be coincidence--and probably is--or this may be proof Alex Trebek is the Mayan calendar of pop culture and resets into some mirrored universe every two decades, which is a lot less plausible, but much, much more cool. Guess we'll need to wait until 2032 when Selena Gomez  appears in some movie and incorrectly answers a Jeopardy question about the NBA's all-time leading scorer before we know for sure. 

[Via Reddit]

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Know what upset me most about this? It's not that Bill Wisth was lied to or that Bill Wisth thought that the indignity of being served fewer than a dozen pieces of fried fish was an injustice worthy of calling the police or that TMJ4's Mike Jacobs claims this event could only transpire in Wisconsin when we all know this could've easily taken place in about 15-20 different states.

No, the most upsetting detail from this news report is discovering that TWO major news stations felt the need to cover this story. LookTWO. 

That's TWO microphones, from TWO different stations. It's as if WISN12 caught wind that TMJ4 was heading out to Thiensville and said, "Oh shit, can't have TMJ scoop us on the big fish fry protest! Dispatch the news van post haste!" 

I'd like to say news is depressing because there's always people dying tragically, but in truth, that's not the reason--this is the reason the news is so goddamn sad. 

[Via Buzzfeed]

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Soccer player's daughter tries to cheer up her dad

Posted By Fudge
Tuesday, May 15, 2012

For as much as us Americans love capitalism, we sure do embrace the socialist characteristics of our professional sports. Revenue sharing, salary caps and the whole draft system. Your team sucks? Congrats, you're rewarded with the best amateur player next season.

Europe, which is often assailed as a dirty socialist cesspool is quite the opposite when it comes to sports, especially soccer. Come in last place? Cool, go pack your bags, because you're kicked out of the league next year and the next guy in line gets to take your place. So it's understandable to see De Graafschap midfielder Rogier Meijer so inconsolable after his team was relegated following a 1-1 drawl this weekend. And it's god damn adorable to see his young daughter try to cheer him up. 

[H/T Off The Bench]

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